The last time I posted I referenced an astrology site that my friend Kelly James introduced me to. That site is www.freewillastology.com. Now, I am not sure if will parallel your life as much as it parallels mine, but it couldn't hurt to check it out. I found last week's Leo reading the most poignant of all:
Would you like to spend the next 30 years working your assets off to make your bosses rich? If not, I suggest you start formulating Plan B immediately. The astrological time is not exactly ripe to extricate yourself from the wicked game, but it's ripe to begin scheming and dreaming about how to extricate yourself. Here's a tip to get you in the mood. Assume that there's some validity in the meme that mythologist Joseph Campbell articulated: "Follow your bliss and the money will come." Then ask yourself, "Do I even know what my bliss is? Not my mild joy or diversionary fun but my unadulterated bliss?" Once you know that, you can follow it. And then, inevitably -- although it may take a while -- the money will follow.
Most of us have loads of untapped brilliant bubbles of ideas bouncing around in our brains, but never take the time to pop one and pursue it. Even though each bubble exists as a possible way out of our own self inflicted monotony, the sheer possibility of pursuing that idea instead of cooking dinner, doing laundry, slaving away for our thankless employer all take precedence. My friend Ameet in an effort discern my state of mind, explained that I was like a soft baked cookie just out of the oven. When I expressed confusion, he further explained that as I am waiting to figure out whether I am firm enough to eat or whether I will even taste good, people will decide to pass and will find something else to experience. While likening me to a cookie may not have been the best metaphor, I get the point he was trying to make. I have spent a lot of time worrying about whether or not I'm ready, and for a while there, I wasn't. Right now though, I have no excuse, because I couldn't be more ready as my brain bubbles are bursting at an exponential rate.
I have two solid ideas in two very different genres that I know I could pursue. While I know I will do well following either path, the real question is, which is the answer to finding my "unadulterated bliss." Since I am irrational and look to others to help me rationalize every situation (my greatest fault), I sought out and received a wide variety of advice yesterday:
Kelly's advice: Coming to terms with the fact that my life sucks right now will enable me to think about ways to make it not suck so much. Acknowledging my situation is the first step. Positive and active thinking will lead to progression.
Lindsay's Advice: I need to stop talking about how much my life sucks and how disappointed I am that I am not where I intended myself to be at 28 and start doing. Lindsay also mentioned that being a broken record has started to seriously irritate her. You see Lindsay, I already irritate myself, so I feel your pain.
Sheila's Advice: "Stop telling your friends about the advice your other friends gave you."
One thing I have realized (especially in the absence of my bff) is that I rely on other's to validate all decisions. I couldn't even pick out my Kitchen Aid color without consulting five or six friends only to finally decide on black because it was neutral. Every decision for me large or small requires the consultation of many, which prevents progression. I need to stop looking to people for answers and start looking inside myself. I have the ability to believe in everyone else, but myself. I have the ability to work insane hours and to exhaust myself for demon employers, but can't commit the same amount of energy to my own projects. I could go on and on about how I am absolutely enable to better myself. I need to do something to create a serious shift in the way I think and act. I need to move the mountain within that stands between me and my success, happiness and future. Kelly is right. If I come to terms with the fact that I am the only one stopping me than I will progress. So, I have come up with a new mantra-- I am responsible for my fate and happiness. I am stopping me. I can move my mountain. I will chant this mantra until it replaces the blood in my veins and perhaps then, I will believe in myself.
I am taking a course with my mom this weekend called Landmark Forum. The people I know that have taken the course are the kind of people who you long to be around--their brilliant energy and outlook on life are intoxicating. The course is designed to teach you to free yourself from the boundaries you have set up and to enable yourself to regain control over your life and actions. I know it sounds pretty surreal that a course can help you make this much progress, but as it has done wonders for my very own sister, I have faith that it will do the same for me. I look forward to sharing my progress with you.
xx
R
