We are who we want to be

"Consider that you are already where you want to be and are who you want to be? How do you feel know?"


My mom flew into town for less than 48 hours to make up a class she had missed in her Los Angeles Landmark Self Expression and Leadership Program. While waiting for her to wrap up her class, the head coach of her section engaged me in a conversation that gave me plenty to ponder. Upon listening to me speak about my experience in the Self Expression and Leadership Program (SELP), she stopped my banter and said, "Consider that you are where you want to be and are who you want to be already? How do you feel now?" I didn't have a answer for her. Instead I stuttered a bunch of nonsense knowing full well that she could see right through me. My insecurities were in full swing and I think my face might have even turned a pretty shade of pink. I even found myself tugging at the scarf choking my check, readjusting the hat on my head, and unzipping my sleeping bag of a down coat to ventilate my overheating frame. This woman made me uncomfortable, but not out spite, rather out of love.

One thing I love about the Landmark community, despite the fact that many may find it cult-like or crazy, is that Landmark people have a natural ability to communicate openly and honestly with one another. Landmark people also demand that one speak and act from a place of integrity and authenticity at all times, which isn't unbelievably challenging. I am my true self with very few people, but while in a Landmark setting it is impossible to be anything but myself as acceptance is plentiful.

My intention wasn't to make this a pro-Landmark post as I firmly believe there are thousands of ways to make peace with oneself, but the questions posed by the head coach brought me so much peace that I wanted to share my experience.

If I have always been who I want to be then shouldn't I celebrate? Unfortunately, for me, my problem stems from the fact that I do not believe that I am who I want to be. In fact, I find myself yearning to be something more when in fact I am the greatness that I aspire to be this very second. We fail to recognize ourselves for our accomplishments, successes, etc.. Sometimes I find myself rereading my resume in order to remind myself that I have accomplished numerous amazing things and have lived a fulfilling life even at the young age of 28. Resume or no resume though, I should be able to be and feel and live my greatness in every waking moment as reflecting on my past greatness or my future greatness defines ludicrous.

As I mentioned before, my mom flew into town for I felt was to torture me for a few days. What I missed was that my mom could have made up her class in any Western state, but chose to fly all the way from Cali to NY to see me. Yeah, she said a few not so nice things, but what she said wasn't any different than what she has said to me before. As well, the not so nice comments were out heavily numbered by hugs, kisses, and home cooked meals. Instead of focusing on the fact that I have an inspiring and courageous mom that flew 3,000 miles to take a class that has helped her unite our family in a way that I never imagined possible, I made her trip about me and my own insecurities, which isn't the damn point of life or my greatness or humanity.

I am on a journey to love myself completely despite gaining a few extra pounds or saying the wrong thing, or failing at something. If I can master celebrating who I am, this greatness that I speak of will be able to evolve, transform, create the most magical world for us to share. I am the possibility of being a powerful leader, and a beacon of love, light, hope, and fearlessness! God willing, I will be present to who I am even in my lowest moments as life IS worth living and loving.

xx
R