Days 10, 12, 13, & 14: NY vs. LA

When Maya said, "NY takes the human out of you," my eyes almost popped out of my head. Not only was it a brilliant statement to blog about, but it defined how I feel--less human.  As a friend so brilliantly reminded me the other night while criticizing my decision to flee the city, life is hard and reality can be life-shattering (blah, blah, blah). But maybe, by living in New York, one becomes more human without realizing it? Being one of the most real places on earth and one of the most difficult places to succeed, perhaps, living here makes an individual more human or in other words, more in tune with reality. Conceivably, it could be the cities that do not batter the soul day-to-day, that make one less human? How many times have you heard someone that is not from New York tell you about the mean people they encountered in New York or how many times have you visited another state and wondered why people are so much more friendly? Perhaps, non-New Yorkers are more friendly, because they are out of touch with what life is really like?  New York in all of greatness can be seriously nasty and one must get nasty just to get by. It is in those "get nasty" moments that I question who I am becoming; however, whether it be more human or less human I do not know. 

On the flipside, I cannot defend LA having grown up in celebrity-ville. As Hollywood bound transplants infest the nearly every industry, it is next to impossible to interact with a friendly or competent individual. And, in the same way that NY forces you to evolve, LA does too. When I returned to LA in 2003 post college with the freshman 30 in tow, the city was far from kind. I was considered HOT! in Boston--the boys found me interesting and I found myself irresistible. Nevertheless, upon my first attempt to enjoy the city, it became readily apparent to me that my once heart-shaped face, now formed a perfect oval, and that my booty and belly were more spherical than concave. While age and maturity (OK, dining hall desserts and alcohol too) had much to do with the changes my body underwent, being at the Sunset Standard for one evening let me know that these changes needed to be managed ASAP. So, being my control freak self, I got to it and did what most Angelinos do--I hired a trainer, bought the South Beach Diet, deemed carbs evil.... I am sure you can tell where this is going, so there is no need to continue on with the story. The point is I could never figure out how to be myself in LA even after I morphed my body, but as the pressure to be perfect thickens the city's hyper polluted air,  I believe that most people struggle to be themselves too.  

So, who knows if I am making the right decision by seeking therapy in LA. For all I know, moving in with my relatives in Ohio may have been a better choice for me? What I am sure of is that my heart has always longed for success in New York City and that I must step away for a short while in order to attain it, so that is what I am going to do. 

xx

R